Jesus To The World

Jesus to the world, that’s what I was suppose to be. But I failed. That’s probably the hardest thing for me to admit. I failed. I’ve always been good at everything. I’ve been at the top of my class since I don’t know probably third grade. I’ve never failed. Well that is I’ve never admitted to failing. Until now. Things were a little crazy today, but I’m so thankful because it finally woke me up. Now I know what needs to change, I know what I need to do. I guess I should explain some things first, well I’ll try to explain, but it was so amazing I’m not sure how to tell you what I saw today. I woke up this morning and went to school, I had the hardest tests today. My chemistry and government finals. Needless to say, today was not going to be a good day. Yea I know, that’s not a positive perspective but if I fail those tests I won’t graduate next week. I’ve been waiting to walk across that stage since I was five. So anyway I was doing my last minute cramming before the test when the craziness started. Something happened that I never thought I would see. JESUS CAME BACK! Sounds great right? And it was don’t get me wrong, but I was terrified. I was just sitting at my desk studying and all of a sudden there was Jesus, and I was in heaven. There were millions of people all around me. People that I recognized, and people from thousands of years ago. It’s a good thing heaven is big. You know in church when people tell you what heaven is like… they aren’t even close. Let me try to explain, you know when they say the pearly gates… that doesn’t even come close to how they really are. And the streets of gold, it’s so much more than that. Everything is so bright, but there is no sun. It’s greater than anything I’ve ever seen. I don’t know what else to say about it. It’s just amazing. This was way to much for me right now though. So I just went and sat down by myself. There were still people all around me, but I felt so alone. I felt like I didn’t belong here. Then this guy came up to me, and was looking all excited. I had no clue why, but he was jumping up and down and just glowing with joy. I mean yea we were in heaven and that was great, but what was his deal. He kept rambling on about “the Bema” whatever that is. Well I would soon find out. I looked around and everyone seemed to be going in the same direction, then all of a sudden I was walking that way to. I wasn’t trying to it just happened. We were all gathered into this big arena, and when I say big I don’t just mean like it will hold a couple thousand. This thing was like a couple miles across. It was huge. There was a big stage in the middle of the arena, and there were angels all around us. As I looked through all the people I saw young and old, black and white, Asian, Hispanic, African American, people from every generation and every country. I’ve never been around so many people in my life. But none of those people mattered it was the one on the stage that really matter. Jesus. This was the Bema. It was now time for our “judgment” not like our sin being judged though. We were told that wouldn’t come up at all. This was when we would receive our crowns. So I’m still a little confused on what is going on here, I was just told these few things from someone as we were gathering to this place. I’m still extremely clueless as to what will really go on here. It was really loud in here and normally I would have a headache from all the noise, but as they say there’s no pain in heaven. All of a sudden the crowd went silent as Jesus stood up. This was it, it was time to face Jesus at the Bema. I’m not sure what’s going to happen, but it seemed like everyone else did. Or maybe they just acted like they did. Oh well I guess that doesn’t really matter. Jesus called the first person. His name was Tedros Nakia. He was from Africa, and he was an amazing person. As he was standing at the Bema it was like I could see parts of his life. I saw him being beaten in the middle of a crowded street. Then later he was killed for being a Christian, in an atheist area. He went through a lot in life, but he stayed strong in God. Jesus said “well done my good and faithful servant, in you I am pleased.” and Tedros was given a crown for being so faithful. Then Jesus said “be glorified” and Tedros lit up and was brighter than anyone in the room but God himself. He returned to his seat, and the next name was called. “ Nathanael Jameson.” He rose from his seat and made his way to the Bema. Again I could see parts of his life, and then I saw something I hadn’t seen in Tedros life. I saw myself. Nathanael was witnessing to me, but I don’t remember him. Then I saw a few of my friends beating him up later. They told him to quit feeding me lies. I was there to, just watching him being hurt, and I didn’t do anything to stop it. He wasn’t hurt to badly, but it was still wrong. I didn’t pay attention to the rest of Nathanael’s life because I was thinking about what I had seen. I felt terrible, but he received his crown also for endurance. And Jesus said “be glorified” and he was filled with a light even brighter than Tedros. Hundreds more names were called, and I was just waiting for my name. I knew it had to be coming soon. Thousands had already been to the Bema, but it seemed like only a few minutes. Then it happened. My name was called. I wasn’t ready to get up yet though. I was scared. But I had no choice. I rose from my sit and some how ended up at the Bema. Standing before Jesus. I couldn’t believe it. So far I had watched almost everyone receive their crowns for their good deeds. But as I was watching others I was thinking about my own life, and what good deeds I had done. I couldn’t think of any. So I was really hoping Jesus paid more attention to my life, and had a better memory than I did. Then the weirdest thing happened. You know how people say their life flashed before their eyes like after being in a wreck or something like that? Well my life really flashed before my eyes. I saw everything. Whether I wanted to or not, it was there for me to see, and I was just praying that no one else saw it. Especially Jesus, but I knew he did. It was terrible. I saw myself as a child, I was a bad child. Then in middle school the first party I went to. Yea that wasn’t a good one. Then we got to high school. I saw me and my first real boyfriend. That wasn’t good either. We did some pretty bad things. I saw all of my mistakes. I felt terrible knowing that Jesus was standing there watching this all again. But as I looked up at him, he was smiling. He couldn’t see any of my sin because he had already forgiven me and he could no longer see it. That was a relief, but I still saw it all. Then I saw myself at youth group one night. My youth pastor was talking about salvation, and he was telling me how I could have a relationship with God. I didn’t really say anything, but that night I was sitting on my bed thinking about what he told me, and asked God to change my heart. As I looked up at Jesus, he looked so happy. Then my life continued to play in front of me like a movie. I noticed at first I was so on fire for God. I was going to church every Sunday and Wednesday night. But I was still in my quiet shy stage and didn’t really talk to anyone about it. I saw one day at school I was walking through the hallway talking to some friends and there was a boy sitting by himself. He looked really depressed, and he came up to me and asked to talk to me, but you know what I said “I don’t have time”. I remember that day like it was yesterday. Because that weekend he died. At that moment I looked around at all the people and saw that he wasn’t there. That could only mean one thing. Ok I’m getting off track. Back to my life. As I watched I saw the one person that I ever witnessed to, the one whom I lead to Christ. But there was only one. How could that compare to what all the other people had done. But that one boy that I witnessed to grew up telling everyone about God. I wish I could have been like that. I would change if I could, but it’s to late now. We were getting closer to the time when Jesus returned. We were at that year. I had stopped going to church already, and never talked about God. No one even knew I was a Christian. I mean I was still a good person. I never did anything really bad to people, but I wasn’t always the perfect person either. Then we came to today. The day Jesus came back and this whole thing started. This morning I woke up complaining about going to school, and about the tests I had. I was in a bad mood all day because I was to consumed with myself, and what people were going to think about me if I didn’t do good. Or for that matter what people would think about me if I did good. I always worried about what people thought about me. I think most teenagers do, but I let it consume my life. Finally the film of my life was over. But now it was time to face what Jesus would say about me. He looked at me and said “ I gave you so much. You were the smartest one in your school. You had a good job and more money than even some of the teachers. But you ignored all that. You ran to other things, like partying, your friends. You let having a boyfriend take over my part of your life. I gave you so many talents. You could play almost every instrument. You could sing. You could have used all these things to glorify me, but you didn’t.” This wasn’t what I was expecting. I thought he would say good things about me. This came next, “but you did do one thing right. You witnessed to James when I told you to. I’m so glad you listened that time because he was planning on ending his pain that night. I know you didn’t know that. But that doesn’t matter now, because you told him about me and he got saved. He’s right up there watching you.” Wow. I had no idea I had that kind of affect on James’s life. I knew he was having a hard time but I never imagined it was that bad. But if I helped him that much, why didn’t I tell other people about God. Why did I keep it to myself? Oh yea I remember. It wasn’t the cool thing to do. I didn’t want people to think I was weird for talking about God. Why did I care so much about what other people thought and so little about what God thought? Then I heard the worst thing I could possibly hear right now “the thing that hurt me more than anything, was this. You forgot your first love.” those words threw me over the edge and I fell to my knees and cried like never before. Why was I crying I know I read somewhere that there are no tears in heaven. Well that’s when I realized that it says Jesus will wipe away your tears, which means there can be tears but he will wipe them away and there will be no more. And that’s exactly what happened. Jesus knelt down and wiped the tears from my eyes as he said “you forgot your first love, but your first love never left you. I was there the whole time. I tried to get you to realize all I was doing for you, and you did realize it a few times. I only wish I could have done more for you.” what? More for me. No, Jesus you did everything for me. I just didn’t realize it. I’m so sorry. He wrapped his arms around me, and said “be glorified my child” my light was dimmer than some of the others, but it was still there and brightness didn’t seem to matter now. I returned to my seat and watched as everyone else stood face-to-face with Jesus. Then as the last person returned to there seat, Jesus sat on his throne. The whole place was so silent you could hear a pen drop. Then everyone started standing and went down to the stage and placed their crowns at the foot of the throne. It was an amazing thing. People were singing and praising God. There was music of all kinds but I could understand it all. There were no language differences in heaven. I reached up to take my crown from my head, when I realized I didn’t have one. But it didn’t really matter at this point, I just kept on worshiping God as the music grew louder and everyone began to sing.

 

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